How (NOT) to motivate students?

Okay, not my usual post but I feel like this is worth sharing.  

This image on pinterest intended to (apparently) motivate middle schoolers 

struck me as not only useless but potentially harmful:

https://pin.it/736vfgiw37tmos

Image shows dry-erase board with the following message written: "10 Things that Take 0 Talent, but will get you 100% respect: 1. Being on time 2. Work Ethic 3. Effort 4. Body Language 5. Energy 6. Attitude 7. Passion 8. Being Coachable. 9. Doing Extra 10. Being Prepared"

So, I get it. We're trying to motivate people to show up, do their best, and achieve greater things than they thought possible. It's been saved over 50,000+ times on pinterest and there's an etsy listing for a poster print. For neurotypical folks, maybe this offers some inspiration... ways they can do well and continue to make a notable effort when school is tough. 

But these "0 talent" things actually take something else. Something called "Executive function skills. "Being on time? Being prepared? Having energy? Being coachable? Those require a student to have the cognitive ability, the opportunity to develop executive skills, and the resources to apply said skills. Many students with cognitive deficits and disabilities struggle exceptionally with executive skills. ADHD, depression, anxiety, physical disabilities, nutritional deficits, socio-economic status,  and many other factors contribute to these "0 talent" skills--or lack thereof. 

So, let's put on our "empathy hats" and pause for a moment.  

You're a middle school student with executive functioning deficits.

Your mom got you up early this morning to get ready on time.

You're groggy and exhausted because your meds haven't kicked in yet.

You go in circles trying to find matching socks, settling for a "close-enough" pair.

In the time you spent searching for your socks, you lost the pile of clothes you had ready to wear and have to start all over again.  It's middle school, so what you wear kind of matters.

Finally you find clothes, slightly discouraged because they were not what you wanted.

You forgot to brush your teeth.

Mom is hollering to get your stuff and get out the door.

You have to jam your stuff into your backpack because you didn't put it back in after doing homework last night.

You rush to the bus and barely make it... getting on last means squeezing into an already filled seat.

As the bus pulls away, you realize that the assignment you finished and printed out is still sitting on the printer.

Defeated, you slump against the students next to you in the bus seat and vow to do your best anyway.

At some point, you also realize that you forgot to eat breakfast.

Your stomach flips as you remember the awkward thing you said at lunch yesterday, and you wonder if anyone else will remember it today.

You head to your locker and it won't open.  Frustrated, you realize you're trying to put in last year's code.  When you get it open, your unwashed gym clothes and 2 empty water bottles fall out.

Grabbing a fistful of the papers from your backpack, which are now in some sort of chaotic origami form, you stuff your backpack awkwardly into the locker and slam it shut.  

Thankfully, your meds have kicked in and you had a split second to remember to grab your notebook and pens before you lock the door.

While you head toward class, your stomach drops again.  Your teacher is not going to be impressed that your assignment is sitting on the print tray at home.  You wonder if he will even believe you anymore.

You walk into class just as the bell rings (first win of the day!) and your polished, beaming teacher is standing in front of this sign: 10 Things That Take 0 Talent.......

The thing is, kids like the one described above, get more negative feedback than their peers.  In school alone, a child with ADHD could receive 20,000 corrective or negative comments by the time he or she is age 10.

And it's not for lack of trying.  They are told to do their best but continue to receive negative feedback which is received more harshly due to emotional dysregulation caused by ADHD.  Not only do they hear about their failure more often, it actually stings more because of the ADHD.

Ask yourself: would you stay at a job where you are told 3 times an hour that your best isn't good enough?  Would you stay in a relationship in which you are told YOU aren't good enough?  So it's no wonder that some kids with executive skills deficits appear to try less or even quit trying altogether.  

I sincerely hope, if you've made it this far, I won't even have to say it.  But I came here to say it.  So I'm gonna say it:

Signs like the one above are DEmotivating, DEmoralizing, ableist garbage which hurts kids who already wonder why they can't do the simplest things that "everyone" seems to do with "0 talent."  

Hell, I'm a college-educated adult two-thirds of the way to an advanced master's degree, and I fail at no less than 3 of those 10 things every day.  Honestly, who looks at all of those and says "Yep! Those take no talent at all!"? 

So, in the spirit of solution-focused thinking, here are some alternatives:

Image shows a rabbit with a large carrot growing underground with a small leaf above and a rabbit with a tiny carrot growing underground with a large leaf section above from "Motivation Stories."

Black background with text: Challenge Accepted

Photograph of Albert Einstein with text quote: "Education is not the learning of facts, but training the mind to think."

Photograph of man standing at edge of mountain peak with text: Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying 'I will try again tomorrow.' -Mary Anne Radmacher.

So, if you're looking to support students in their efforts to learn... 

if you want to help them navigate the world and feel valuable as human beings... 

(which I believe you do; 

I can't image anyone wanting to truly motivate someone to succeed if they didn't care about that person)

...Start with creating an environment of acceptance and support.  

Don't lower expectations, 

but let your students know that you are alongside them for the journey.

"Resilience depends on supportive, responsive relationships and mastering a set of capabilities that can help us respond and adapt to adversity in healthy ways." -Shonkoff.

Imaginary BFFs

Do you ever meet someone and are so excited about all the things you have in common and decide that you need to be BEST.FRIENDS.RIGHT.NOW!!?  Yeah.  I do that a lot.  Sigh.  It usually scares them away.

The same thing happens when I find something amazing on the internet, which makes me secretly wish I could be BFFs with the creator.  Someone who shares my quirky brain patterns.  I wish I could just say "I.LOVE.HOW.YOUR.BRAIN.WORKS!LET'S.BE.BESTEST.FRIENDS.FOREVERRRR!"  Like this gal:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCWPC4wF16Y

But socially speaking, coming on too strong is often kind of terrifying to most people.  Even trying to somehow awkwardly say, "I don't actually neeeed more friends... I'm not completely bonkers.... I just loooovvvveee you!!" still has the effect of a social nuke drop. 

So, I try to keep my imaginary BFF status to myself.  But of course, I can't stop talking about them anyway because I'm just.so.excited!  My latest imaginary BFF is Allie Brosh.  She created Hyperbole and a Half...  You will recognize some of her creations as the net's most popular memes.  But I recognize something in her soul that tells me we are kindred spirits.  And that's totally not creepy..... 

Childhood antics, cake obsessions, failure to adult....  
We are, like, twinsies!! 

But it's a lot easier to resist the temptation to frighten someone with my enthusiastic admiration when they are internet-famous.  I mean, I have a shred of dignity left, after all...  But harder to contain my joy at meeting a nifty person, well, in person... So some may end up rather terrified or at least mildly distrustful of my affinity for them in the early stages.  Probably should stick to making friends with people's pets at parties...

But if I do meet you, and instantly love you, please don't be scared.  I really do have other friends, and I love them too.  I've just got lots of love to give! 

.....and here's some stuff I made!

Paper beads made by my hands!  Silver-tone rose charms! Bead thingies! Wire!
I'm gonna have a hard time not keeping these...

I colored these pages, then decided I didn't dig my "adult coloring" results
and turned them into beads.  Shiny beads!

More handmade paper beads and silver-tone sparkly charm heart!
On super-stretchy durable elastic... in case any of my customers are accident-prone
and constantly getting caught up on every day objects... like me.... (new BFF??)

Handmade paper beads!
Silver-tone custom charm with with hot air balloon under acrylic resin!
Yay!! Stretchy!

Just keep swimming... Just keep swimming... Just PARTY!!

When life gets you down, you know what you gotta do?  Just PARTY!  My kiddo's 15th birthday was this past week (yikes...15...)  So we partied.  Like we do.  

She's not your typical 15 year old.  She's feisty and opinionated (typical), nonverbal and medically complicated (not so typical). We are a neurodiverse household.

 Her Royal Highness Princess Bossy Boots Awesome Sauce McNugget loves Finding Dory and all things Disney/Pixar.  So naturally, her party this year was all about Dory.  And all things undersea, bright, colorful, and fun!  I got to craft my little heart out on a coral reef, cake and banners.  I enlisted her YaYa to do jellyfish (which she absolutely nailed, despite the frustrations and dangers of hot glue and plastic...)

......jellyfish!!!

There's a great article on Disability Visibility Project about Finding Dory which discusses the movie and its Disabled characters, as well as how they relate to our current cultural views of Disability.  I love the movie because my daughter loves it (and hey, it's great!) but I also love that it is a strong, accessible film which portrays characters with disabilities as competent and valuable.  I relate to Dory, as my short-term memory is unreliable at best, and yet I mean well, I try hard, and sometimes when I fail spectacularly, things still have a way of working out in the end.

There's a strange creature lurking deep in the coral reef.....

 At the end of the day, I just want to be seen for who I am... not the dumb thing I said or did; not for my limitations or social missteps.  I don't want to be coddled, or have anyone lower their expectations of me.  If I did or said something which doesn't match up to my character as you know it, you don't have to tell me that.  Chances are, I already know it. And it will disrupt my sleep for years to come.  

Instead, maybe use your knowledge of my heart and speak to anyone who may not understand me.  Help them to know that I am the sum of my social mistakes; share what you love about me.  I am passionate; I love fiercely and throw myself headfirst into anything I care about.  I get bored easily.  I'm a great person to have around in a crisis.  I'm not so good at day to day correspondence or consistency.  If you need me, I'll be there.  Sometimes you just have to drag me out of my hole to get my attention.

Or bring cake.  Cake works too.

"A party without cake is just a meeting."  --Julia Child

Looks much better before its tragic seismic shift during transport to the party.

"I live in a.. amemone.... A menemone!  A ammemoneeeee..." --Nemo

Awwww... a sweater!!

I feel like it would be appropriate to explain very early on in this project how I feel about animals.  I realize that the name of this project "Flat Squirrel Creations" does offer some, well, less savory connotations about roadkill.  And the idea of cute, cuddly, fluffy animals disfigured into genuine-leather frisbees is certainly distressing, though slightly humorous in the inherent misfortune of their life choices.

life choices

Clearly stated: I love animals.  I hate the idea of an animal being killed or injured.  I can empathize with the unfortunate, indecisive squirrel as I continue to be mowed over by life on a semi-regular basis.  

Seeing an animal on the side of the road always makes me sad.  When I was young, I recall a story about a mom who would say "Awwww, a sweater!" and shake her head sadly whenever they passed roadkill.  The child wondered at their mother's sadness over lost apparel, and it wasn't until the child was a bit older that they realized the true identity of the fuzzy blob on the side of the road.  I always thought this was a wonderful way to handle a sad thing--to protect your children as long as possible from the harsh reality of modern travel.

I kept this in mind when I had my son, and figured I'd put it to good use.  I saw an animal on the side of the road, and as we drove by, I clicked my tongue and said "Awwww, a sweater."  My son, who also occupies his own unique dimension in space, snapped to attention and craned his neck, "Where?!  I didn't see it!"  Then he got mad because I wouldn't turn the car around to go back to show him the "sweater."

*Not my actual kid/but pretty accurate visual

So, in trying to preemptively rescue my son from undue emotional trauma, I ended up causing him distress by pointing out something he was completely unaware of.  Awesome.  I have now learned to just ignore roadkill, and more than likely my little martian will not return from his intergalactic daydreaming to even notice.

*Not my actual trophy/must have gotten lost in the mail

But speaking of shiny things, some more of my creations:

Handmade paper beads! Swarovski crystals! Shiny!!

Soft faux-leather (not squirrel) coral choker with handmade paper beads! Gold chain accents! And aqua roses!

Handmade paper beads! Beautiful silver-tone charms! A bee! A butterfly! A watering can!  Shiny crystals! Faceted glass beads!  Yay!!

So as I learn to let sleeping/space-travelling toddlers lie, I continue to craft and ponder the mysteries of life on the road.

What planet am I on??

The undeniable truth has hit me: I occupy a completely different dimension than most people.  Parallel, perhaps, to the world which you all inhabit... But still separate somehow.  I try to be an observant, responsible person who follows directions and rules to ensure the success of our civilization.  Despite my best efforts, I am still constantly finding myself blank, bewildered, and alone in my confusion.  

The first time I can clearly remember this happening was while I was a Running Start student*.  Important note: this occurred well before the internet as we know and love it today.  There was no online system eg. Blackboard or Canvas on which to check the course information before the start of the quarter.  

I arrived to class on the first day of the quarter, and the professor greeted us with the usual introductions and then said "...of course you've all read the first 2 chapters of the text and completed assignment number 1...."  I have no idea what they said after that, because my happy-eager-learner face had melted into "DEER IN THE HEADLIGHTS."  I looked around at my classmates and became keenly aware that I was the only one who was shocked and horrified.  I hadn't even bought the book yet.  I was too embarrassed and mortified to ask anyone how the heck they ALL knew this information.  I do understand the possibility that they had merely perfected their acting, and were likely better at masking their surprise.  But this isn't an isolated incident.  

I am blindsided at least once every couple of months with surprising new information that is apparently common knowledge to everyone but me.  I have even summoned the courage to ask how they knew what I didn't, but haven't gotten any helpful feedback.  The most frustrating thing, to me, is that I haven't figured out how to ask a question if I don't know that I have a question.  How do you find missing information when you don't have any inkling that the information is missing!?  

Seriously, this kind of utter failure to know important things is quality nightmare fuel.  I never know when ignorance is going to strike again.  Thankfully, as I have implied, my attention shifts fairly quickly to other things and I can be happily frolicking in crafty-land until the next SURPRISE!!  

So without further ado, here are some of the fun, sparkly things that have been entertaining me lately:

Handmade paper beads!  Rainbows!  Shiny silver-tone charms! Rhinestones!  Rainbows! (I know I said that twice but rainbow is my favorite color!)

More paper beads! More rainbow! Iridescent beads! Silver-tone hearts with wings! 

More handmade paper beads!  Sparkles!  Glitter! Glass beads!  Flying hearts! These beads I made out of some of my own coloring projects, so they are absolutely one-of-a-kind

Silver-tone key charm with tiny heart details, handmade paper beads, and glass on super durable elastic.  Stretchy!!

Glitter! Pretty purple wire detail! Handmade paper beads! Silver-tone sun charms!

So, until the next time my brain is jolted back into this universe, take care dear ones!  And if you happen to find yourself on my strange little planet, be sure to stop by and say "hi!"  I'm sure I've baked something delicious recently.  And calories don't count in my parallel universe. 

*for those of you playing along at home, Running Start is a program which allows capable high school students to enroll directly in courses at a local university in lieu of their required high school courses

Hello World!

I haven't had much success in blogging.  My arch nemesis, Consistency, has teamed up with my gnat-like Attention Span in a heartbreaking betrayal that prevents me from blogging regularly.... which is kind of necessary to create an engaging space for one's readers.  The intent is to share a window into my life via a beautifully crafted, flawlessly illustrated sequence of prose but ends up an incongruous time-lapse shot of inspiration without substance.  Like a bad gif.

 I shouldn't be surprised.  I was always terrible at journaling, diaries, etc.  I was so inconsistent that I developed an aversion to even writing in these pretty notebooks, because I knew I'd write only 3 entries and find it years later.  I guess I thought that the ease and depth of the digital age would provide endless motivation for continued blogging and eventual success.  As I am working hard to embrace my unique (and apparently diagnosable) attention span, I wanted to create a space in which my particular brand of non-sequitur was not only acceptable but the emphasis of the project.

I do a lot of crafty stuff.  I have been doing crafty stuff for just over 35 trips around the sun, and despite my shifting inspiration and propensity for unfinished projects, I'm finally getting decently good at some of them.  It takes a long time to get enough experience at any particular thing when your focus shifts and you move on to a different project too quickly.  I have boxes of UFOs in all nooks and crannies of my house.  (UFO: unfinished objects)  I stubbornly believe that I will get back to these projects, so they are saved in piles--> inside boxes--> with the tools needed to complete them tucked neatly alongside.  I do recognize that whatever it was which made me apathetic to the completion of any given UFO is likely to continue to prevent my interest in finishing it, regardless of the amount of time which has passed or the impressive layers of dust sediment gathered on top of the box.  In reality, it's extremely annoying because I end up buying duplicate tools as there is no way I can remember to dig in a particular UFO box, to a particular layer of UFO (carbon-dating?) to find said tool.  And Amazon is always one click away....

So, I decided to start-up a blog/craftiness showcase/shameless self-promotion avenue to embrace my random, rather than trying to contort myself into a beautiful pinterest  blogger/entrepreneur/bloggreneur??  After all, I don't fit in one particular box.  I'm kind of occupying several boxes at any given time, all the while realizing I just don't do boxes.  Personality quizzes?  I'm divergent.  My results are always straddling a line, barely tipping to a conclusive category... Myers-Briggs says I'm an INFJ.  Which is, unsurprisingly, a special snowflake.  Comprising about 2% of the population, I've seen wonderful articles describing us as "Extroverted Introverts" which pretty much sums me up perfectly.  I'm Divergent.

things I lie awake thinking about....

TL;DR  I spend the majority of my days trying to fit into the world's boxes... Remembering to pay my bills, show up somewhere at a specific time, don't go up the down-staircase, etc.  My art is my outlet for the other bits of me, which don't fit into nice boxes or follow all of the rules.  This blog is dedicated to my crafts, and to all those who, like me, are neurodiverse and struggling to manage all of their boxes.

*And yes, I realize I didn't exactly set the bar high by starting off my blog telling y'all that I'm anticipating a bumpy ride.  But hey, I believe in full disclosure.